...Of zzz and Daughter of Jembalang

I'm *yawns*...sleepy....*yawns* very very sleepyawnsss...

Hot Papa is having high fever... I was up most of the night making sure his temp didn't go so high *yawns* I can't open my eyes now *yawns* and my back is aching....the chair next to the bed was darn uncomfy...erkh, how I'd kill to lie down for a while now...

I'm floating...*yawns*...floating floating...

..and I have a meeting in half an hour....

By the way, last week we had a Sarawakian consultant who did her presentation to the Board...

"Good afternoon, my name is Juanita a/p Jembalang"

I almost chocked on my curry puff ...heheheh

Panty Berlubang

Warning : Not for those who does not have underwear "berlubang" :)

“B, I think you have to get new panties” so Hot Papa said.

“What’s wrong with my panties?” I asked. Hot Papa who was doing the laundry held up my red panty, my red ‘berlubang’ panty and raised his eyebrows.

“This is why my darling. Sedih I tengok panty you berlubang macam ni”

He he he he he he he he…

Ok, so my panty is red…AND berlubang. So what’s wrong with that? It’s my favorite panty. It's absolutely comfortable…I’m a granny panty lady, no thong for me thank you (except of course when the situation dictates that I HAVE to wear a thong or some sort…) I’m so scared that a piece of string will get lost in my…errrr. Anyway…

So yes, I will wear that red berlubang panty till I can’t wear no more…call me disgusting or whatever, I see nothing wrong with wearing ‘berlubang’ underwear…don’t tell me you don’t have that one berlubang terkoyak rabak underwear that is just too comfortable to throw away? Plus, they don’t call it ‘underwear’ for nothing. You don’t go around exposing your underwear do you?….

Again, I may be speaking too soon…how many times have you bumped into girls who went around in super low hipster with their knickers (or whatever’s left of a knickers if it’s a thong…) showing? That’s a story for another day folks…

My Ma always tell me, “You should always wear your good underwear, in case anything happened to you and you need to be rushed to the hospital, takdela malu sangat underwear cantik”…

Wise woman my Ma...

A good reason to get me some lacy panties ;) Hot Mama goin' shoppin'!

*bloop bloop bloop*

*bloop bloop bloop*

Help! I'm drowning!

*bloop bloop bloop*

I...rrkkhhh...can't....rrrkkhh...breathe!

*gulps*

Please get this done ASAP!

What about the information? It's extermely urgent...I need it now!

Draft a Resolution for this now and make sure that the directors sign it by today. What? I don't care that it's quater to 7 pm and all the Directors have gone home...find them!

*runs up*

*runs down*

*puffs*

*huffs*

HELP! I'm drowning in work!

Hot Papa

Warning : Not for those who are allergic to over-mushyness

Looking at Hot Papa sitting at the "Reserved" table dressed in baju melayu complete with 'sampin' and 'songkok' all alone during the wedding reception and knowing that he hates formal function with passion...

Looking at Hot Papa cooking me some rice in the middle of the night as I was hungry and we were just back from running around the whole day and we were both exhausted (I 'passed out' on the couch' snoring..hehe)...

Looking at Hot Papa waking up at 7ish on Saturday and Sunday morning just to drive me to Putrajaya and sitting through 5 hours of wedding rehearsal and making small talks to uncles and aunties of a friend whom he doesn't know at all...

Looking at Hot Papa standing quietly in the corner of the room crowded with screaming flower girls while I had my make up done (part I hate the most...makeup)...

Looking at Hot Papa driving me back to my apartment at 12 am with him still in his baju melayu and sampin intact, looking extremely tired and haggard and not complaining even one bit....and still say I look pretty with my stupid make up (mental note : KILL make up artist)

...I feel in love with Hot Papa all over again...

Jeniper Lopess & Abang Itam

Interesting conversation I had with the makcik at the cafe just now...

Makcik Cafe (MC) : Nak, makcik selalu nampak awak beli makan kat sini...apa nama?
Me : errrr...ohh saya "name"
MC : Ooh sedapnya nama....
Me : Terima kasih
MC : Orang mana?
Me : Orang "place"
MC : eeeehhh tu dah dekat dgn kampung makcik tu..senang la
Me : ek? senang?...errrr
MC : Makcik suka tgk awak bila datang beli makan sini....suka sangatlah tengok awak. Berkenan rasanya..dah kawin ke?
Me : *nervous laugh* belum lagi...
MC : Makcik paling suka tengok bontot awak...bontot besar macam Jeniper Lopess
Me : hah?! errr...errrr (at this point I'm not too sure to take what she said as an insult or a compliment)
MC : Makcik bukan apa, kalau sudi nak makcik kenalkan dengan anak makcik yang sulong tu, kami panggil dia Abang Itam...dia bujang lagi. Dia kata hari hari dia tengok awak beli makan, dia pun suka pompuan bontot besar katanya...mana tau boleh la makcik ambik buat menantu *smiles*
Me : ????????!!!!!!!!!

I totally lost my appetite.....

Go to the mattresses

I am physically drained...utterly knackered

..but most of all, emotionally exhausted. It feel like I have gone for a battle I and fought and fought and I fought...but never to win at the end..

...and I only managed to have some herbal tea the whole day and nothing else, (cammomile : Thanks aceshigh) I'm not as jumpy as last night, still a lil high strung...workload is just merciless but I just can't seem to get myself to do anything at all...

Oh by the way, I decided not to keep Maximus...not now so a colleague took him home and apparently he's doing well in his new place...and I'm allowed to visit him anytime I like...

My best friend's wedding is this weekend...strictly A-list, Agong and Sultans and Ministers...one should be delighted to be in the company of rich & famous people...on the contrary, I don't feel like going. But I'm one of the most important people, so I have to be there...plus I was the one who fixed them up together...*smiles* alhamdulillah, they are finally getting married...so you see I have to go...

...I need a date....anyone? ;) he he

My boss is on leave (hooray) BUT, as usual she'll be calling me almost every hour to chek up on matters and for me to update her on matters...so it doesn't really make any difference at all whether she's around or not...Eeekh!

I miss someone...someone dear and close to my heart...but the funny thing is, he is just 30 minutes drive away....

I guess that says for 'dekat tapi 'jauh'...

Warning System

Its happening again...

1:30 am...

2:15 am...

2:55 am...

3:45am...

4:17am...

5:00 am...

I gave up....I can't do this. I keep waking up every hour..and I don't just wake up, I jumped out of bed, sweat pouring, heartbeat racing, sick feeling at the pit of my stomach....


What is it? What is it that you want to tell me?

Something is not right....

Really?

Yes...and you know that..

...I don't know...what is it? What is it that is not right?

Something...its happening now...can't you sense it? can't you feel it?

God I don't know.....

Please be careful...please...remember the last time I felt this way and I told you, but you ignored me completely?...Remember what happened after that?

Yes...

Something is not right....please open your eyes, be weary and don't give completely


*sighs* my gut feeling has a very funny warning system, but it never let me down

What am I to do now?

Kidnapped

When I was bout 6 or 7 years old...I was kidnapped.

I'm talking about real kidnapping here, a kidnapper, a 5 storey flat, smelly oily man(that's all I remember about him) police cars, men in uniforms....the complete episode.

I don't remember much of what happened exactly, except being taken to an empty room on the top floor of the flat...

I was blindfolded....

Nothing bad happened to me...but it something that I will not forget for the rest of my life...

Apparently the kidnapper hold a grudge against my dad for sending his younger brother to jail...or something along the way...

2 months after the incident, my Abah resigned as the Police Commissioner, packed us all up and moved to Ipoh...

...its something that I will never forget

Almost doesn't count

When I'm in love, I love whole heartedly. It's either I'm in or I'm out.....

"You're too bloody loyal babe. That's your problem"...I was once told.

I'm sorry, that's me. I'm a one man woman...salah ke?

"Tak salah, just stupid. Seelah what your loyalty has brought you before this. At least let me introduce you to some of my male friends this time...buat backup babe"

Takpe, I know what I'm doing is right. Insya Allah...

"Fine if you say so...nanti kena tinggal lagi baru tau. Nowdays, loyalty means nothing ok?"

I know you mean well, but...

"Silly girl you"

Am I?

Blogtized

Every morning, the moment I arrived at work, at my desk...turn the computer on....I will try my darnest to NOT start making my usual round raeding my favourite blog before I finish my work.

Why?

Because if I do, like today...like right now...I am totally wraped up in the blog world that I have no care left for anything else in this world...

I can't seem to bring myself to do any work at all...my eyes are glued to the screen, my brain is half-dead, I feel transported to a different world as I read one blog to another...I'm lurred and charmed...

*looking at the clock* "its ok, just 5 more minutes, 5 more minutes"

*read read read blogs*

*look at the clock* "Shites! 1 hour?"

Don't look at the light!

"I can't help it, it's so beautiful"....

I'm blogtized!

....help

Pussy nyeow

I have a cat in my drawer...

But Maximus is a good boy...he didn't even make a sound...he didn't even let go a soft meow. Maximus is orange in colour and he has clear green eyes and short stubby furry legs.

Maximus followed me back from the cafe this afternoon. I said hello he said "nyeow" and I belong to him now....

Should I or shouldn't I? hmmmm, not easy having a cat in an apartment.

"How if he wants to poo poo? shi shi? No grass la sayang, cats must have grass" Hot Papa said

Alaaaaaa......

I can potty train Maximus...kan?

Maximus is now sleeping in my bag.

Ooohhh should I? shouldn't I?

Oyy!

I huff and puff and wiggle and squiggle,

I jump and squat and lie flat on the floor,

I pant and wheeze and gasp,

I bend over, bend down and round and round,

I twist and jiggle and squirm,

Turn left turn right oh I turn and I turn,

Nothing seems to work,

Oyy I can't fit into my jeans anymore...&*%#!

Do not...

...do not, I repeat DO NOT tell your gf/bf that you are with her/him because no one else wants to be with you...

This is the biggest insult ever.

Don't...

Daydream

As of late I have been day dreaming of white sandy beach, clear blue sea and me with big straw hat, a good book and chilled virgin pinacolada (and I don't mind a muscular Brazillian male masseuse too ;) ..

As of late I have been dreaming of uninterrupted lazy rainy day with me doing absolutely nothing but sit by the window in my pj and listening to Gaye..

As of late I have been day dreaming of driving in the country side with the top down and feeling the wind on my face. I'd prepare a picnic basket and later on just lie down on the grass listening to the birds singing and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwich, keropok leko and sipping ice milo...


As of late I have been day dreaming...

What is it?...(2)

I've showered and changed.....Acik decided to get some rest at home and I told Abah to catch some sleep in Mama's ward room..

Me? I found a facility Room where they provide internet connection and a good cup of herbal tea....I'm feeling restless and despite only a couple of hours of sleep last night, I'm full of energy...so here I am making my rounds reading my favourite blogs and just surf...

Things are going to change...well, it's already changing. The change is subtle yet not too subtle to escape me...

I can feel it, I can see it...and I'm slowly taking it all in....I know

I am not the type of person who is free to open up about my problems...hence I find writing here helps...in a way writing here offer some sense of solace...

I shall wait and see....

What is it?...

I saw my mum being pushed into the op theatre...it's a common minor op, but I cant help feeling a lil sad. My dad looked tired and old, I don't remember seeing him sleeping last night. Acik said Abah was up all night...

Abah and Acik went back home to freshen up. I decided to take a stroll and get myself some much needed coffee at the mamak stall but ended up in a 24-hour cyber cafe. Surprisingly this place is almost packed considering the wee hour of the day it is now. I managed to check my e-mail and send some work back to the office...and write this post.

I have this really bad feeling at the pit of my stomach...and I've been feeling like this the last one week. I was assured the reason why I'm feeling all sinking was because of my mom and her op....but now I know its not. I'm not worried about Mama at all....its something else. My heart is heavy, I can't even breathe properly...I had panic attack a couple of times this week, my blood pressure is a lil low and I almost passed out in the meeting room...

The last time I was feeling this way was a week before I stumbled upon my ex bf in his full 'riding' moment in bed with a girl when he told me that he was in bed with fever.....or when I had that horrible accident on MRR2...or the time when I found out that my pet hamster Teh died of cancer....

My instinct is trying to tell me something....and I have a feeling that its going to cause much pain this time...

...what is it? What?.....

Nite so long..

Last night was probably the longest night of my life....

"Hello?"

"Hey you..."

"Heeyyy, urm...what's the time?"

"Sorry to wake you up....I...umm..I just need to hear a voice"

"Its ok....you alright darling?"

"Yeah, I'm ok...you ok?"

"I'm ok...*pause*...I'm here yeah? You can talk to me..."

"Yeah I know...*sighsss*"

"......do you have doubts?"

"Yes I do...."

"Then you know what you have to do...."

"Yeah I know...."

"Whatever it is, I want you to be happy..."

"I'm trying..."

"I know you are....God won't let us go through things if He knows we can't take it...Things happened for a reason, sooner or later things will be apparent and we'll understand...for now have faith in Him...and you're not alone, you'll never be as long as I'm here......now get some sleep ok? If it's meant to be, its meant to be..."

"...*snifs*..."

"Remember I love you..."

"Thanks for being there for me...nite"

"Nite darling"....

....its the longest night....

Flying over the cuckoo's nest

I talk to myself....outloud

So sometimes when I want to make it less obvious I pretend that I'm talking on the phone or on my mobile when the fact is I'm rationalising things with myself...you see, we all have 2 sides to our everything...call it Yin and Yang and whatever grooves. And just like everything that has 2 sides to it, sometimes my Yin and Yang do not agree with each other which leave 'Me' in limbo...

....and talking to myself is the only way (and effective one too) in clearing things out with 'Me'. 'Me' will be asking a lot of question and Yin and Yang will be answering...well most of the time they'll be arguing about who's right and who's more right than the other...

Me? I just listen....

Truth is, I have so many things in mind...which resulted in a hazardous sleeping pattern in the last 2 weeks...

aaaaand I have an attention span of a life of a flea...I do not remember what is it that I wanted to write in the first place...heh

So...self-talking, absent-minded zombie Me I have mutated into....

And I think Hot Papa is annoyed if not angry at me...can't blame him, I've been indifferent as of late...I have been flying over the Cuckoo's nest

Oh my Mama will be going for an operation this weekend...pray for us

Letter...

In the days of today where we are spoilt by the internet where with a click of a button, we are able to send/receive e-mail to just about anyone anywhere in the world in the shortest of time...

Yahoolah...

Hotmaillah...

Gmaillah....

Apaapalah....

Yes its fast and your e-mail is surely to reach its destination without much hassle...yet we loose the 'human' touch..

Receiving an email is not the same as receiving a real letter. Opening an e-mail is not as exciting as tearing the envelope and reading an e-mail seems cold as compared to holding a piece of paper in your hand and reading its content...

Crazy as I may sound, I miss getting a mail...a snailmail...a real letter....

Anyone care to write?

Why?...

Honestly...I don't even know why I bother trying...

Why I even bother hoping and waiting and praying..

Why why why?

I was once told that sheer supidity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different result....

Penatlah...penat sangat. Giving up has never looked so right...

"Break the damn cycle!"

Yes...easier said than done...have you been at the bottom of the pit? Oui?...So you do understand what I'm talking about...It ain't a happy place people...

..again, why I even bother?

Listening to : Miles Davis 'The Autum Leaves'

I'm A Natural

This....I got from Elena's blog :) so I thought...

"ahhhh what the 'eck, lets see what kind of a flirt I am"....

Apparently I'm A Natural...hihihi, which I believe is not quite true. I hardly talk to strangers, what more to engage myself in an eyelash batting session...though I do like to tease. I tease Hot Papa senseless at times. I've been called cheeky, merenyam and pervert by him...oh just admit it you like it when I 'koochie koochie' you ;o)

Your Seduction Style: The Natural

You don't really try to seduce people... it just seems to happen.Fun loving and free spirited, you bring out the inner child in people.You are spontaneous, sincere, and unpretentious - a hard combo to find!People drop their guard around you, and find themselves falling fast.

What Is Your Seduction Style?

Listening to : Chris Connor 'The Man I Love'

Bugger boo...

The best of things happened when you least expect it...

The best thing that happened to me today is when my boss called in sick. She caught the bug and she sounded awful on the phone...but that didn't stop her from ringing me up with list of things that needed to be done today....and oh boy what a list! Postponed BOD meeting, Approval papers, report papers, minutes to confirm yada yada yada...

Although I'm on my boss' constant beck and call with her every hour phone call, things around here are more relax. And it feels almost ok that I'm drowning with work now....she's not around...things are good.

Now all I need is a healthy dose of Billie Holiday, a cup of strong coffee, my 'The Travelling Hornplayer' and a hug from Hot Papa when I get back home to complete my day....

...and what a good day it has been

Of lacey thong and yellow cake(y)...

So ok, you don't brush your teeth...fine, just stay away from my face thank you. I can see patches of yellow cakey substance in between your teeth and I can smell your stinky breath from miles away...

Eeeeww...

Please please take a few minutes of your precious time while applying your lipstick to check if you have any yellow cakey substance in between your teeth or whether your breath is lethal...

.....and overly exposed cleaveage squeezed out by a tiny transparent white top is far than vogue no matter what the Men's magazine said. If the white top could be any tighter I'm afraid your nipples may just popped out. And yes I know you do Pilates, but I really think a 90degrees bend-over is wee bit too much when picking up pencil from the floor. The guys are betting on what colour is your lacy thong today missy...

I know there's spellchecker, but 'quiet' and 'quite' are two completely different thing luv....

and also brasserie and brassiere too. The Board of Directors can't be "having a quite lunch at the brassiere"...that would be so wrong darling...

Aiyoh, what luck I have today...I'm training the new CEO's private secretary...her resume is quite impressive I heard...she used to be a professional masseuse...

ummm....I hope those fingers can type...

*yawn*

*yawn*

*yawwwn*

Erkhm...*blink blink*

*yaaaaawwwwwnsssssss*

*YAWWWWWNNSSSSSSSSSS*

They say that yawning is contagious.....I hope you've yawned reading this :)

I've yawned so much my jaw hurts....and I feel AND look like a zombie...

Sleepdrive

Ok...I need to calm down, seriously.

Usually when I feel restless, I always take a loooong drive. It happened once that I was just in my car driving and driving in the middle of the night and the next thing I know I was already reaching Ipoh ( I was from Pandan KL) People sleepwalk...I sleepdrive :) It's very therapeutic...

But Hot Papa is not too keen on me driving alone at night heading nowhere. "Dangerous la B, these days people would do anything for money/revenge. Dah dok umah diam diam"

He has a point. With the murder rate rising alarmingly these days, one can't be too careful. It seems that nyawa manusia dah takde harga. Angry? Kill. Jealous? Kill.

Apa dah nak jadi dengan dunia? I know Malaysia is not spared from these tragedies, but what happened to the caring and loving society that we are(were?) We need to learn to be more patient, more tolerant and more caring. We have to.

Anyway, I keep waking up every 2 hours of sleep. Have you ever had one of those nights where your body is utterly exhausted but your mind is just refuse to shut down? Instead its going at full speed, making you feel so tired like you have not had any sleep at all when you wake up in the morning?

*yawns* I can hardly keep my eyes open now...

My dad told me once that I'm a chronic worrier. I worry everything under the sun and the moon....and with things changing almost drastically around me, I find myself deprived of sleep as I'll wake up every 2 hours every night.

And I have the same dream over and over again. People say that if you dream the same dream, your innerself/soul is trying to tell you something. And I have been having this recurring dream for the last 3 years. The same white beach, the same dark sea, the same dark sky, the same storm...and at the end I'll die drowning....and I'll wake up feeling extremely sad.

Is there such thing as dream therapist cause I seriously need one...

And on a brighter note, my mom gave me curtains for my sliding door which I have to say look so much better than my blanket which I've been using to cover the sliding door.

"It's beginning to look more like home" Hot Papa said.

Yes, my own sweet home....

I am determine to make things better this year...I know its a wee bit too late for a new year resolution, but better late then never...

..and Hot Papa, it's an important year for you too...my endless love and prayers for you D...

First Cut Is The Deepest

.....especially paper cut *ouch* it may not be the deepest cut, but can be so sakit!

...sometimes the smallest of things can hurt you pretty bad.

I'm today with cuts and nicks all over my hand...

Stupidas

Malaysian drivers are the worst drivers in the whole wide world…nuf said.

Or at least worst enough for Hot Papa to curse under muttered breath when he came to pick me up for dinner yesterday....and Hot Papa is quite a patient man, unlike me.

Pure logic : The bigger and more expensive a car is, the better the condition of the car should be…yes?

Noooo…

The bigger and more expensive ones car is, the higher the chances that ones signal light will not work. I mean, if I get a nickel every time I see an SLK or 745 and the likes giving signal before cutting in front of me, I would have bought myself an SLK or a 745…

Hello uncle, I drive small inexpensive Kelisa oso my signal light working, you big big car signal light not working issit? Never give signal one want to cutting cutting line. Blardy hell la I want to give you jalan if no signal and expect me to squeeze to the side just because you drive a Beemer? *%#&@!

Also the bigger ones car is, the lesser their common sense and the smaller their brain gets…hence they expect all cars to bow aside and give them way.

Stupidas.