Thursday, April 28, 2005


"Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country." -Anais Nin, The Diaries of Anaïs Nin

I realise that as I grow older, I forgot how to dream....


"Scarlett : I only know that I love you.

Rhett Butler : That's your misfortune."

Ouch! ...

Why nobody told me that love had become so heartrending?

Friday, April 22, 2005


I grabbed my tv remote control rather than my handphone to work today...and it took my almost one full minute to realise that while I was punching numbers on my tv remote control wanting to call my dad thinking it was my handphone..

I blame it on the fact that yesterday was a holiday and I swore when I woke up this morning I thought today was Saturday only to realise that its Friday and not Saturday half an hour before my official office hour begins...hence the remote control punching frenzy this morning...

I propose that we all should only work from 9 a.m til 3.30 pm. No point of working your ass off when we neglect other more important things in our lives ie - family, friends, ourselves...

So yes, I have my tv remote control in my bag :)

Listening to: "These Foolish Things" - Billie Holiday

Wednesday, April 20, 2005


What does a girl do when she's not happy?

...I don't know 'bout you, but I'm taking a long drive tonight, a very long one....Me, myself and I have so much to talk about. It's time that I stop lying to myself and face the truth...

I was told that there is no such thing as regret...but tonite it's just gonna be me and my old big brown bag of regret... if only I can stop and turn back the time

Wednesday, April 13, 2005


Give a 32-year old man a Play Station...

He'll turn into a 12-year old kid...

Say bubbye to me watching "America's Next Top Model" (yes I watch the show)


He he..


Today I woke up to this...

" Faint not nor grieve for you will overcome them if you are(indeed) believers."[Qur'an, Aal -e-imraan-3,verse 139]

...and I believe all is good. Allah will not let me go through things if He knows I can't take it. I will do my best today, and I'll put my trust and faith in Him for He knows what's best.


Monday, April 11, 2005


When you cringe listening to half of the songs played on

You are old....

Don't panic :) he he...

Up up and away

If I have shite loads of money, I'll quit my job, buy a hot air balloon and travel all around the world...

I'll send you postcard honey...


How...(*please insert your choice of word) of me to think that things are going to change?


* I am all of the above....

Denial is a powerful feeds you empty hope and keeps you going...


Sometimes I'm not too sure whether to drown myself in happiness or in sorrow...I'm not too sure which is which actually...happiness or sorrow? Both feel like almost the same...

Is it possible to feel both at the same time?

Yes Monday turns you into a strange person...

Tuesday, April 05, 2005

To all the men I've loved before...

I like this one too :) its taken from the same blog from my post below....

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can makehim stay.
Stop making excuses for a man's behavior.
If you have ANY doubt in your mind about a man's character, leave him alone.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Don't force an attraction.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can't "be friends." A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Have faith in God regarding your relationship, but don't let faith make you stupid. God does things decent and in order.
Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
If he keeps changing his mind about the relationship-take that as a BIG sign that he is unstable. Do you really want to be with a man like that?
Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
Honorable men take care of their business and aren't involved in a whole lot of mess.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
There's only one 'reason' a man dumps you; he doesn't want you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?
You really do have to kiss a few frogs before finding the prince.
Always put yourself and your happiness first.
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
Like from the show Sex and the City, if he doesn't call, he just isn't that interested.
Be honest and up-front.
Know when to cut the cord, don't be strung along.
Don't fall for the "I'm confused role". Remove yourself from the situation to let him figure things out (but don't wait for him, move on).
If you want to have a clue as to how he will treat you, watch how he treats the WOMEN in his family (not just mom).
There's more than physical abuse, there's emotional and mental abuse. If he causes any of them...flee.
You cannot change a man's behaviors. Change comes from within.
Don't let him place rules on you that he is not willing to follow himself -- double-standard.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you're...even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Demand respect and if he can't give it, he can't have you!
Don't compete with other woman, but be aware that men are attracted to what they see.
If you think he is cheating, he probably is. Confront him right away and if you feel he's lying, let him go. - Ah hah!
Actions speak louder than words.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never rely on a man for compliments, look to yourself for that.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
Just because he says he loves you, doesn't mean that he won't hurt you and it doesn't mean that you are meant to be with him.
To use painful hard-won wisdom-'get it right' the next time.
Know that you deserve to be the number one person in the life of the #1 person in your life.
Love is a verb.
Learn to give up your lifelong task of trying to make someone unavailable-available, someone ungiving-giving, and someone unloving-loving.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two way street.
If you don't love can't love anyone else.
You cannot mend someone else's broken heart.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.
Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Never give more in a relationship than you are getting out of it.
Never become your man's "therapist".
When actions and words conflict, believe the actions. Respond to the actions.
A real healthy relationship requires two people. One person can mend it but it takes two to make it work.
Don't fall for the "I'm not the loving type"...when a man loves you there is nothing in this world (within reason) that he wouldn't do for you.
Make him miss you sometimes...when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him he takes it for granted.
Give him his space...let him go out with his boys, don't pressure him to spend time with you, You can't force a man to hang out with you.
If you wouldn't allow your daughter to be with him you shouldn't.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
Never move into his mother's house.
Provide financially for yourself and don't depend on anyone.
Never co-sign for a man.
Never believe you have the perfect guy and he is so innocent.
Never spoil your man; let him spoil you.
Never let a man mess up your credit.
When it's time to let go; let go.
Good men should be treated like good men.
Don't play games.
You can't make a wh**e into a housewife - or husband.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Compatibility in terms of educational attainment, values, beliefs, personal and career goals, and socioeconomic status, are important.
Never date a guy who wears colored contacts.
Never believe a man who says "that's just my baby momma", you can be sure, there'll be drama.
Never believe a man that tells u he want to be with you, while he's with someone else, - if he wanted to be with you, he would make it happen more sooner than later.
Don't be a man's doormat, make him open the door for you, because a real man would do this on his own.
Dealings with a married man, most likely won't work out in your favor.
There is someone out there worthy to be in your life, let out the trash so he can come in.

* all the men I've loved before....*

...that 10%

I like this...came across this piece in someone's blog...go ahead, read it...

"Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. "Wow, this girl in my office is a real looker. I'm crazy about her because she's also understanding, intelligent, tender - so many things that myspouse is not."

Somewhere along the way, you'll find a woman or a man who will be more charming or sensitive. More alluring. More thoughtful. Richer. Have greater sex appeal. And you will find a woman or man who will need you and pursue you and go loco over you more than your spouse ever did.

Because no wife or husband is perfect.

Because a spouse will only have 90% of what you're looking for. So adultery takes place when a husband or wife looks for the missing 10%.

Let's say your wife is melancholic by nature. You may find yourself drawn to the pretty clerk who has a cheery laughter.Or because your wife is a homebody in slippers and pyjamas, smelling of garlic and fish oil, you may fall for a fresh-smelling young sales representative that visits your office in a sharp black blazer, high heels and a red pencil-cut skirt.

Or because your husband is the quiet type, your heart may skip a beat when you meet an old college flame who has the makings of a talk show host.

But wait!

That's only 10% of what you don't have.Don't throw away the 90% that you already have! Add to your spouse's 90%, the 100% that represents all the years that you have been with each other.The storms you have weathered together. The unforgettable moments of sadness and joy as a couple.The many adjustments you have made to love the other. The wealth of memories that you've accumulated as lovers.

Adultery happens when you start looking for what you don't have. But faithfulness happens when you start thanking God for what you already have.

But I'm not just talking about marriage.
I'm talking about life!
About your jobs.About your friends.
About your children.
About your lifestyles.
Are you like the economy airline?

The main message:If you start appreciating what you have right now, wherever you are is FIRST CLASS!"

Belts and Chee Chong Fun

Chivalry is dead ladies, don't hold your breath waiting for a man to hold the door for you while you struggle with files...

Jangan jarap...

..and I'm scouting for a new car...and I likey Picanto. But 46k for a 1.1 litre engine? They say...

"The responsive 1.1 liter engine provides 64ps at 5,500rpm and 96kg.m of torque at 3,000rpm, making it one of the most powerful cars in its class. We have also incorporated driver's airbag, power steering and power windows as standard features in this vehicle".

Hmmm, you see I don't know nuts about car (roll eyes)...yes yes I know. As long as the car moves and get me to places I wanna go, no problemo for moi.

"B, you have to at least know that the belt is in good condition"

..and I thought he was talking about the seat belt *pah! the man can be so eksyen one*

I was also looking at Kangoo...and also Matrix. Sure I would love to get my hands on the new 1-series Beemer, I'd probably have to sell a kidney...or two (tu pun tak sure dapat beli lagi he he he)

....and I'm famished, I want Chee Chong Fun :)

Monday, April 04, 2005

*happy thoughts*

*happy thoughts*

It's bloody Monday

*happy thoughts*

I think my boss has PMS...permanently

*happy thoughts*

..spoonful of la la

work, work work my ass off...its just not good enough. Nothing seems good enough

*happy thoughts*

Monday Monday go away, please come again another day...

*happy thoughts*


When a tragedy/mishap/drama occured in a relationship, it changes the relationship. The change can be big or small, significant or otherwise...but it changes nonetheless. Some couple find themselves drifting far apart, and some find more of each other...

What happened the last couple of days have torn my heart and soul to pieces....I have been here before, I won't lie. I am a product of a woman who have survived numerous affairs (not of my own) and cheating partners...

What happened the last couple of days is somewhat too cliche and the pain is just too darn familiar. I mean, how else can you feel when you found out that your partner made an arrangement to cheat on you? Yes it didn't happened, but not because your partner changed his/her mind, but because he was confronted by you who happened to have all the e-mails as proof to a story of an affair that almost happened but didn't?


Same 'ol same 'ol, no matter what and how the story goes....

Trust had been betrayed...pain had been inflicted...

So what now?...

Logic dictates : Run, run as fast and far as you can....while you still can. Fight..Scream...Cry....EXIT!

....instead, I stayed.

Perhaps I am an optimistic fool, or just plain stupid...perhaps I care about him that much to fight, scream, cry and leave things behind...pain lingers still...and trust has to be built ain't easy I tell ya...but

I'm willing...logic(al) was never a word to describe love...I want to be able to say "I didn't give up, I tried my best...yes I did.."

Things happened for a reason they say...I'm still waiting for mine...

Friday, April 01, 2005


A broken mirror, no matter how delicately the pieces were put back together….will never be the same as before…

Something happened…,

Something changed…,

My dreams were shattered…I stopped dreaming,

My hopes were robbed off me…I stopped hoping,

My heart is crying…its very very painful,

The one that can cause you utter pain is the same who can bring you sheer happiness,

Its so hard putting up a smile when all I want to do is curl up and cry…,

He rained me with kisses…”I love you B”

I know, I love you too…

“I’m sorry”

He held me close…

And I have never felt so lonely…and alone.

Something happened….and just like a broken mirror, my heart will never be the same,

Something changed…,

But still I trust…

Still I love….

*Ya Allah, please give me the strength and wisdom to see me through this…amin*